Posted in Shaveh

I hate crying when there’s nothing to cry about

Have you ever had a day, a week or a month where you feel like you’re carrying lead around with you and it’s just yucky? I’m not talking about physically (even though this does influence the physical) I’m talking more like in your soul and heart?

I’ve had a few weeks like that lately. It’s so easy to mask it up – let me tell you – SO EASY. Especially in the generation we’re living in. Smiles, hugs and waves are so superficial and can so easily hide what’s really going on.

The worst is when you don’t even know why you’re feeling like that, right? I don’t think it’s full on depression but I bet it’s a drop of what depression feels like.

I have been unmotivated, empty and unwilling (wait, I don’t think that’s the right word – more like unable) to give to others what I would normally be able to. Others, I mean like my hubby, children and friends. It’s the weirdest thing, and I’m honestly so tired of feeling like this so I’ve been throwing myself into projects to see if being creative will help lift my spirit up.

I’ve even tried doing the right thing and spending time with God. I just feel that even there – I’m so heavy that it’s like sitting in His lap and just wanting to cry, but I don’t even know why I’m crying? And I hate crying when there’s nothing to cry about – I mean come on? Who wants to ugly cry for nothing, right?

But then again, maybe I’m carrying something and I don’t even know what it is…… like a subconscious something that’s trying it’s darndest to get out.

I don’t know about you, but who wants to go digging around a landmine and expect to not get hit or blown to pieces.

It’s more like, maybe I don’t want to fall apart because I’m pretty much ‘it’ for the kids. I’m their teacher, chauffer, chef and mom. My hubby works solidly and for me to just mope about and cry about something I don’t even know about, doesn’t make sense? Plus, my family’s life would go to the pooper if I did. I know my kids would lose their minds and go at each other like wild animals – and I aint having that. Fo realz!

Wow, this is depressing just reading it back to myself. I apologise for ruining your Monday. I wish I could end this one with something encouraging or something really profound – but alas – I am empty and void of anything positive right now.

I guess let’s call this one a really real low. Here’s hoping something flips somewhere and I can tell you about that……

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Posted in It's a God thing, Shaveh

I’m Human, Ok! – but He has my back

Have you ever had a season where you just don’t feel the wheels are on properly? You know that feeling? It’s kind of overwhelming and out of control but at the same time you know your life is just going to just keep on moving ahead and continue until you grapple and gain control again? Anyone relate? Continue reading “I’m Human, Ok! – but He has my back”

Posted in Shaveh

I really need to reset!

I’m sitting in front of my machine and my eyes are droopy and trying to wake up and my mind is swimming with information that needs to be processed. I still haven’t nailed this routine thing this year! And I am so annoyed with myself. Continue reading “I really need to reset!”

Posted in Shaveh

Our Date Night/Day in San Francisco

I actually don’t know if I mentioned that I’m doing my first time away form my kids in America. Did I? If I did, oh well – read about what it has been like for me to leave my kids at home to do this.

So I’m sitting here, in Vacaville – California, and I’m actually quite surprised at how much I am ok with being away from our kids. It’s not like in a “I don’t ever want to go back” kind of way, it’s more of an “I’m actually not bawling my eyes out” kind of feeling and I’m super proud of myself too. Continue reading “Our Date Night/Day in San Francisco”

Posted in Shaveh

9 thoughts on starting 2018

2018 is here and it’s just insane how time ticks away and life just doesn’t stop. If you have any connection to my husband on facebook, you would have seen that we have been up to so much over the last few weeks and I have deliberately given myself a break from the blog so that I can gather myself and really come to a place of “knowing” where I want to go this year. Continue reading “9 thoughts on starting 2018”

Posted in A moms opinion, Shaveh

My “Silly Season” is over!

December is kind of here and I can already feel the buzz in the air as schools start to close, parents start to schedule their last few play dates and shops just become just a little bit more unbearable than usual. Yip, and our city becomes this little honey pot that all of the other South African bees rush to. The roads become silly and everything in general becomes silly. Bank accounts get siphoned for all things Christmas and school stuff for next year. Continue reading “My “Silly Season” is over!”

Posted in Shaveh

Zimbabwe runs through my veins!!

I had a whole other post prepared for today, but with the AMAZING moments that unfolded yesterday, I did a 180. I was completely moved to capture my thoughts and feelings and share them with you guys.

Many of you should know that I am 100% Zimbabwean with a dilution of Cape Town in my veins.

IMG_1278 Continue reading “Zimbabwe runs through my veins!!”