Just because I homeschool – doesn’t make me “brave”

Today I’m having one of those mornings where it’s just extremely frustrating to be teaching my kids. So, as I am losing my mind and giving very loud, firm instructions to my one child – and all I can think of is the phrase I get from soooooooooo many parents when they hear that we homeschool, “you’re so brave, I don’t have the patience to do that”. Said with a tilt of the head and admiration across their faces…….. #facepalm

It is on days like today, that I so badly wish that I could record what is actually happening in my home. It is on days like today, where I wish I could project my life out to the world and actually show what it’s really like in our home when we are learning.

Dear “school going” parent – let me begin by saying, I personally think “You are brave” to be sending your kids out into the world to be taught by complete strangers and have your kids fed information – not only by strange teachers – but by stranger peers as well, that have 65 000 world views and opinions that will potentially shape your child’s mindset and future without you even knowing it…….. Ok, now that I have those words out of my system – moving on. (I just get slightly irritated by that “you’re so brave” statement and then have to just smile and nod like it’s a compliment. ugh)

Whenever I explain what we do and how we do it – I often think, “my, this parent probably thinks that it’s so much easier for me or that what I’m doing is like going to war or something” – that is deluded thinking and a complete untruth. What I do is really hard! and it’s a CHOICE I made for the sake of our children’s future. I know that this is what they’re thinking and realise – but I hate reminding myself that I sacrificed working and having a salary to make us more comfortable. I sacrificed my “me” time. Which in itself is such a selfish thing anyway. I sacrificed “mental stimulation” – what is that? so my children asking my 78 000 questions a day isn’t mental stimulation?

As much as this post isn’t going to make much sense, I just wanted to vent a little and point out how mind blowing my job is. I am shaping three little people’s mindsets every day. If I lose my cool on them – I am their only frame of reference and I’m the MOM as well. So it’s not a teacher that they’ll only have for one year and move on to another. I am it. I have the potential to permanently scar my kids for life here and what’s insane, is that I have to be on point all of the time.

You see, the thing about homeschool is that it’s not just about education. It’s my relationship with my kids. This is by far the hugest thing I have to deal with E-VA-REE-DAY! I can see the way they look at me. I can imagine their thoughts towards me. Sometimes, I feel I should sleep with one eye open because of the day we may have had. I don’t know – it’s just so much harder than it can come across sometimes. I apologise a lot, and yet at the same time I won’t apologise for expecting a certain standard and response from them.

I have honestly chosen to face each day as it comes and not to put the pressure of doing it “right” every day. Can you imagine if I did and tried to live up to that standard – I think I would be the one on medication for sure.

Anyway, that was just a rant about what I do every day. It’s a nut house half the time and they drive me crazy and that’s ok. It’s the life I chose and they’re still alive and happy (I hope) – let me go and check quickly.