I’ve spent the last few weeks, constantly staring at my computer and wondering what thoughts I want to put down on my little blog. A blank screen can become quite intimidating and switching over to Netflix, is just so much easier – right? I’m not doing this for any monetary gain and it isn’t my work – so why should I bother – right?And it is with that very same attitude that I smack myself across the face and say, “Get over yourself Shaveh! Why did you start doing this in the first place?” and while rubbing my imaginary cheek, I remind myself why I started doing this and what was the point of it all.
I have to go back to realising that this was for me. This is a place for me to reflect on actions I’ve made and executed with regards to my many aspects of my life. Obviously it always will involved my children and my husband – but inevitably it’s what’s in my heart and where I’m at that I need to get down so that I can process better. I also remember it was so that I could learn so much more from life through this writing experience.
I must admit that I’ve been going through the whole insecurity phase and I’ve written stuff down about what I’m feeling and why I am feeling it. After having my little epiphany I’ve realised that I need to be who I am unashamedly.
I think I was going through a phase of looking at everyone else’s blogs and presence online and feeling a little lost. I didn’t know where I fit and what I had to offer.
The way that I describe the feeling and many of us probably go through it a lot, is like in the the high school movies, where the new kid always enters the cafeteria for the first time. They’re either holding their lunch in a bag or on a tray and they look around the room and try to decide where they fit in. That’s the feeling – but I’ve just come to realise that I don’t have to fit anywhere. I can sit at my own table and have my own point of view that isn’t close to anyone else’s.
I can munch on my thoughts and experiences in my own way and not be perturbed by other people’s point of view. If I like it, then I will put it out there and if I don’t then it stays in my vault of journaled thoughts that will just be mine.
So, I think for the next few posts I’m going to just write for writing sake. I was advised by a pro blogger once – to write even if the urge isn’t there and when it’s flowing to go for it. So basically to always be writing something down.
So if there is a post or two without pics or pretty little drawings – then you’ll know that it’s because I’m just writing something down because I thought about it and am exercising my gift to myself to express my thoughts in the written word.
Have you ever had to look at situations this way? You know, where you’ve felt out of place and then had to find your point of view there and stick with it? even if it felt uncomfortable?