As most of you should know (as per the pic right up at the top of this page) we have 2 beautiful girls that we’re hopefully raising to be decent young women. It’s not a cup of tea and you know what? I’m the type of mom that has a few goals set ahead of me that I’m praying become a part of my girls every way of thinking and being.I spend most of my “worrying” about them and the fact that their “free will” could suddenly turn around and tell me to my face that they don’t actually like what I think and they don’t want to do anything I’ve taught them. Guys! That’s like a legit fear and one that I constantly have to lay down and rest in the fact that as long as I’ve fed their roots – that their little tree’s in life will have some source of morality.
I have a son and that’s a whole different story that I’m going to leave for another day because really now – it’s just too different! Right?
Anyway, I know that one of my most major things that I’ve been praying for is that they wouldn’t “develop” too fast and they get to revel in and enjoy being little girls. No need for sanitary wear and underwear. It can be such a hassle right? (boys, you just don’t quite get it and that’s ok)
So, as I’ve mentioned before in a few talks I’ve had with them here and here – modesty has been one of the focuses and dressing appropriately. I’ve also chatted to them about taking care of their bodies from a young age so that they can benefit from their care later in life.
Today, I’m going to tell you about another thing I’ve been working on over the many years prior to this – and that’s trying to keep our conversations as open and honest as possible.
You know, being a homeschooling mom – I’m with them all of the time and I often sit and look at them and wonder if they’re telling me everything that they’re thinking about. But I have to retract and realize that there are some things that they can keep to themselves and reserve for other relationships in their little lives. But Like I’ve said before is that I’ve been as honest as I can so that they come to me about their little issues.
Here’s an example of what I like to think they come to me with.
We were in the car and my oldest was sitting with one of her dear friends in the back seat, whispering about something and her friend (who goes to school) was saying something and my Aislyn says to her, “ask my mom….” And the friend was like, “no! I can’t ask her that or tell her – I can’t” Aislyn then said, “Tell her – I talk to my mom about everything, don’t worry – she’ll be ok with it – tell her” (Guys! Up to this point I was just listening to the radio, but my antenna went up the moment she started urging her friend to “tell me”)
So, I shake myself inside and take the stance of being “cool” about what was coming – because I don’t want to freak out – this is what I’ve been wanting right?
I then ask her “what’s up? Ask me and let’s see what you’re freaking out about and if I can help”
She then, sighs and says, “Ok – there’s this guy at school….” (guys, they’re 9 years old at this moment in time –I’m – a – Fa – reak – ing – OUT!!1 inside)
Me, “ya, what about him?”
Friend, “well, he asked me about sex and what I thought about it?”
Me, “ok, so what did you say?” (Freaking out inside, I mean you’re 9!! Why are the boys talking to you about this stuff already!!!!)
Friend, “I asked him why he was asking me about it? And that I know that it’s for when you get married!”
Me, “Yes, that’s exactly true – but why was he asking you this?”
Friend, “Exactly! Then I asked him again why he was asking me about it, and you know what he said?”
Me, “no, what?”
Friend, “He was like, ‘well I’ve seen it on TV and looks nice – I want to try it sometime’ – that’s so hectic and gross Aunty Shaveh! Like why was he watching that kind of movie? Then I said to him, ‘why were you watching that stuff? Don’t you know what age restrictions are for?’ and he was like, ‘ya, but I don’t care’ Aunt Shaveh! He’s only 10!”
(Mind blown! And freaking out even more! Guys – my insides were ready to run around and hit something. But I played it cool)
Me, “Wow, that’s insane. It is sad that he hasn’t been taught about age restrictions. He’s learning about it in the wrong way, right?”
Friend & Aislyn, “yes”
Me, “So what did you do after he said he wanted to try it someday?”
Friend, “I just told him he shouldn’t be talking about this kind of thing at school and I walked away”
Me, “Shoo, That is a hectic one hey? Well done for walking away because you’re right – it’s best to chat about these things with trusted adults and get the right perspective right girls?”
Friend & Aislyn, “yup”
(after hearing this, I felt the need to reinforce a few things so that the conversation would be left with what we believe rather than an open ended chat about sex)
Me, “So girls – is sex a beautiful thing?”
Friend, “I think it’s gross”
Aislyn, “Me too – I don’t want to do that”
Me, “I know that you think it’s gross now, but I want you to remember that it’s a beautiful thing, and who made it?”
Friend & Aislyn, “God did”
Me, “Yes, and when is it best to do?”
Friend & Aislyn, “When you’re married?”
Me, “Yes, but why should you wait until you’re married?”
Aislyn, “I don’t know? Why?”
Friend, “That’s the way God made it?”
Me, “Yes –because you can choose to do it before you get married but because God’s designed it that it’s best when you’re married then there are so many more benefits to doing it then”
It was at this point that the conversation changed and we started chatting about something else. You will not believe how many of these kinds of conversations I’ve had with these two as well as with my other daughter.
Some of you might have a really distinct reaction to what the conversation was about – and trust me, I did have a reaction to it as well.
But, I had set a goal for myself when they were little. I want them to always feel free to come to me with all of their mundane, intense and silly questions and situations.
Some of them, I’ve had to dig for – but there have been so many of these because I have made the decision that when they pop up, I have to CHOOSE to not over react. I have to think about the even bigger problems that could come later that I so desperately want them to talk to me about.
There is no guarantee that this will be the case, but guys! I figure that if I turn the soil now, that it will be a “little” bit easier later when I ask and dig for other things they’re wanting to chat about.
If you’re an older mom, please share with me about how you either wish there something you could have done earlier to help where you’re at now. Please – because I could so benefit from your knowledge now, or if you’re a new mom and there’s something you had while you were raised that you’re going to implement with your own kids – share, so that I can learn from you too.