I honestly feel scared for my kids. The reason why, is that they’re growing up in a world where I (as the parent) have to consider self defense classes for my 10 year old girl and boy (when he gets there). In case they get into a sticky situation. As well as make sure that they’re all considerate to other human beings without being taken for a ride and potentially being harmed. Our world is sick, and my job is to raise decent human beings in it.
Anyway, what’s with the whole “wait” thing? I hear you ask. Well, in my generation being a virgin was already hard enough to maintain because of peer pressure. Now, it’s even harder because of the constant messages to our children that they need to explore their bodies and what they like and don’t like. The world is shouting, “here’s the sexual buffet, try everything! And if you like it then that’s who you are” – It’s hectic!
Then there’s the mixed messages on gender appropriation and sexuality choices. I never had to deal with that and now it’s in your face and I’ve had to explain all of these lifestyles to my children to help them understand it all. (They’re 9 and 7 – Jude is too small for this convo)
So, waiting. With such a sex saturated world, how do I encourage my child to exercise their right to wait until their married for the beauty of one sexual partner without the baggage of multiple mistakes or spiritual/soul connections. (It can be defended all you want, but whether you like it or not, sex is not just the joining of bodies – fluids and that stuff – but there’s a part of you that you can’t get back once you do that with someone. And a part of the other person that stays with you forever. It’s how it was designed)
Now, how do I teach my kids that the best thing to do is wait. Yup, the boy is 2 – but we’ve started already. Obviously we don’t talk to him about sex yet- duh – but we do make him wait for his food, sweet and snacks. He doesn’t just get juice whenever he wants. First food then treats. Treats only happen on Friday. First get dressed, then you can play outside. No, the TV will not go on until you’ve brushed your teeth. (Understand we don’t get all of these right, especially in winter) but the principal is, that in order to get something good – you need to wait for it and follow the right procedure to get it. Instant gratification can not be your lifestyle, my boy.
It’s a lot harder than it looks and you know what, it’s better to put the work in now because I reckon its better to have a sulky 2 year old rather than a 15 year old boy, with a girl, who’s used to getting what he wants-even if she says no. He’ll just take it then. (I hope you’re getting this, because I’m passionate about it)
Self gratification is not meant to be the aim of a healthy sexual relationship. Ok, I’m not saying don’t enjoy yourself, but I am saying that when it’s in the right context – sex isn’t about what I can get but rather what I can give and make sure that my spouse is having the best experience.
So my kids will learn to serve each other because it’s a Godly principal and the best way to approach themselves and others.
It’s all super spiritual to say, but the fundamental truth is that it works. It’s a beautiful thing, it’s safe and incredibly satisfying. “Love your neighbor as you love yourself”
You want to be served, serve. You want to have someone that’s waited, wait. You want to have an amazing spouse, be the amazing spouse. And just like I’m hoping the principal of instilling principals into my 16 year old daughters and son, at the age of 9,7 and 2 – it’s clear that nothing good comes easy. It’s hard work and fruit doesn’t show up until much, much later.
I’m praying for them to make good choices and also that they would understand these fundamental truths.
And yet all at the same time, they should know that mistakes happen and they are loved and will be walked through the consequences of their actions.
What are your thoughts? Especially those with teenagers, I need your wisdom here and help so that I can put better cement around the brick foundation of my children’s lives.