A few weeks ago I wrote about the different Mom “me’s”. It’s honestly the craziest journey to hold all of the “me’s” together and somehow put up some form of ‘normal’ in each scenario. All of this ‘holding together’ while trying to actually discover what each part means and whether they should actually be up front in this current “scene” in my life’s play.
Anyway, so I a few weeks ago another ‘me’ kinda popped her hand up and is getting to have a bit of spotlight on the stage. I don’t know if many of you know, but my hubby and I met while playing in a music band together. He was playing electric bass and I was playing the flute. The whole story is for another post, but in a nutshell -in our dating years was when we played a lot of music together. And never mind that we’ve both been playing since we were kids. So, as part of my wanting to focus in on other parts of “me” when we got engaged, I put my flute away and chose to refocus.
So, after 13 years of not playing at all (I didn’t realize how long it was until I actually thought about it), I felt the urge to pick up my flute again and join in on a band practice with my hubby. I honestly felt like I was going to completely suck and not be able to do what I used to be able to do – but WOWZER! It was like riding a bicycle. Ok, a little bit of a rusty bicycle but MAN! It felt really good to be playing again.
And you know what was also really super amazing, and I honestly didn’t know how important it was to him – but Tim was way more excited about it than I was. So much so, that I did my first ‘public’ playing session with him that week.
You know, being so focused in on the “wife”, “mom” and “homeschool” me’s, it had left “music” me sitting on the shelf waiting for her turn to step forward and shine. And because of that I didn’t realize how important it was to my marriage. Hearing and seeing how much my hubby lit up when I asked to join him to play, was like the feeling that guys must feel when they’re planning to ask a girl out. I was partly scared that he would say that I needed more time to practice and that I would have to navigate rejection and insecurities. But instead of that, I got a resounding cheer of “yes please! I’ve been waiting for you to ask”.
For 13 years my husband has sat back patiently and waited for me to find myself in other areas, while leaving something that was important to him on the side. He has hinted once or twice about it (I thought he was joking) and I’ve just brushed it aside. Now that I’ve seen just how important it is to him and also for our relationship, I have now decided to take as many opportunities to play with him when I can “musically”.
It’s bizarre, because it’s one of the parts of our marriage that’s “just ours”. The kids aren’t involved and we don’t have to spend money on it. We can play music together whenever we want to and there’s a connection there that was in the root part of our relationship. I also can’t shy away from the fact that God was in all of these decisions. On this side of 13 years, I can see that if I had just continued to just “play” and not focus in on the other parts of me – then the “music” me wouldn’t be as valueable to our marriage relationship as it is now.
So even now, as much as I’d love to step forward and play as much as I want – it’s another ball in the air that needs to align with the rest of the “me’s”. As much as she needs to have the spotlight on her, she also needs to step back and give the other “me’s” their moments to shine. What a balancing act? Right? but I am so grateful for the Holy Spirit and my everyday learning to make sure He directs the play and makes sure all of the “me’s” get their chance. Without Him, I think I’d completely fall apart.
So this Thursday, I get to play alongside him again. He’s going to be speaking about Worship and the power it has, at a conference and I will be in the band he’s using to workshop his message. I’m so excited and it makes me feel like I’m 18 again, when we first met and played music together . I just have to get to practicing in between the other parts of “me” and it should be even better.
Are there any parts of you that you’ve let sit on the shelf that might need a little dusting off and revisiting? Have you ever had an experience like this? I’d love to know who you handled it.