Posted in A moms opinion, Shaveh

Guilt vs Owning my stuff….

As I sit and watch my kid swim today (yes, it’s like 11 degrees outside and she’s swimming…… indoors at least) I’m slowly breathing in and out because today was one of those days when it started out perfectly and everything ran completely smooth and then……….
WHAM!! As I’m enjoying the peaceful moments of getting into my exercise routine, my kid comes and says she’s left her swimming costume at home. 

Note I was five minutes early for my session and was going over in my mind how amazing my day has been and then the kid does this! It’s the most important part of her session and she FORGOT IT AT HOME!!!!!

If anyone was watching, they would have probably seen steam coming out of my head and literally setting my “aura” on fire.

I unashamedly didn’t hold back. My self control ran out of the building and left my body to release every bit of tension that was already prepared for the exercise sessions.

Whisper shouting, I proceed to get back into the car, with the kids and race like a criminal to get the forgotten attire.

As I got into the car, I blew my top! Like literally to the point of steaming the windows.

Why am I telling you all of this? You may be wondering, right? Well – it’s in these moments that I am completely reminded why I do certain things.

I can not sacrifice exercise in any shape or form. It’s been four days since my last session and so there’s a lot of built up energy that needs to be released. The poor child hit me with this move at precisely the wrong moment.

I have since apologized and explained myself but it’s another learning marker in my little, every growing, life of self accountability.

If and when I am faced with this situation again, and trust me it’ll probably happen again. I have to pull myself back, teach the child the lesson of being responsible without sending self control out of the door.

But Man! It’s not that easy, is it?

Everything within me was completely selfish in the moment. I flipped our day on its head instead of making the moment a teachable one for my kids (the 7 year old witnessed it too) I gave them complete permission to do what I had just done.

As much as I want to justify myself and say I’m only human, which is all well and true, I’m raising other humans and need to pull my weaknesses into check without losing my mind over them. And potentially scarring a memory into my children.

I don’t feel guilty, because I’ve taken ownership of the action. But rather I feel challenged again by myself to exercise an adult ‘gift’ and pull myself towards myself and execute my actions wisely.

Do you feel guilty or do you own your stuff? Let me know how you handle yourself. Plus, apologizing is like taking castor oil. Good for me but horrible to down.

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Author:

I'm a woman finding my way through life as the wife of Tim, the mother to 3 growing kids and trying to maintain some sort of self through it all.

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