Posted in A moms opinion, Shaveh

Mom Shaming – Working Mom vs Homeschool Mom. STOP IT!!

Ok, so as I’ve mentioned or titled my blog – I’m a homeschooling mommy. Now, I’m absolutely proud of what I do and as much as I freelance on the side (which isn’t often) what I do requires constant supervision, observation, correction and emotional energy. The reason why I’m opening this post with this, is because yesterday I was caught off guard by a statement a working mom said to me.

Now, before I have my little bit to say – working mommies, you are champions and I honestly admire your ability to do what you do. So take my post in the right way – ok? It’s all about the statement.

I was caught off guard because I’ve had many conversations with school parents, working parents, grand parents and a like. None of which have ever left me feeling belittled in any way. They’ve always been positive exchanges about our various lifestyles and admiration for both parties.

But this time, when I was in a conversation with three other women (one of which is also a homeschool mommy) The older party (a grandmother) asked if I was at home or working – I shared that I homeschool my kids and am at home full time. The “working mom” in the conversation immediately proceeded to say, “I could never do that, what you guys do is hectic. I feel I’m a better mommy because I work……” (pause – now this is all great, and very true for many mothers – but it’s what comes next that grated my goose) “….. I feel that I need the intellectual stimulation of work for myself to thrive.”

Breathe……….. come again?

Ok, so I’m all for doing things that you feel help you thrive, but to say that she needed the “intellectual stimulation” to thrive. What the peanuts people? I was left speechless but at the same time I needed to respond without losing my cool.

I responded politely and said, “I haven’t been forced to do what I do – I’ve chosen this lifestyle and just because I do it – doesn’t mean that it’s easy for me or that I’m gifted at what I do. I lose my cool, I shout, I stress out and so on. But like you’ve chosen to work – I’ve chosen to school my children and be at home.”

I said this all nicely and quite firmly because all too often there’s a misconception that only if you have a gift to teach can you school your kids at home. Get it right people – What I would have loved to say to her is this. “So what you’re saying is that your children aren’t stimulating enough for you? That educating them isn’t challenging? That what I do is a walk in the park to what you do? Hmmmmm, lady – I could do what you do any day, I’d like to see you take on my 3 kids for even 4 hours and come out of the other side ‘un-stimulated’ or unchallenged. Being with adults is so much easier than being with kids because…… well just because”

I didn’t say that, but I did vent it all out on my hubby later that evening. He completely agreed – because he’s tried and has always returned with a greater appreciation for what us homeschool mommies do. He felt that her perception might be that I just sit around watching TV all day and have the kids fend for themselves. Which I don’t think she thought. LOL. Now, I’m sure she was meaning that she needs the adult stimulation and not the intellectual – but her words were wrong and made me feel quite defensive.

So there it is people, my very first conversation that had me come away thinking twice about talking to executive mommies and how our conversations will go down in the future. I’m definitely going to have a lot more to say in my response, next time. I don’t need to be reminded of how hard it is to be at home with my kids. I don’t need to be patted on my back for, “doing what others find so much more challenging”.

If I were a teacher, at a school – would I be getting the same response? It’s always about the fact that they are my kids and I’m teaching them. What I do isn’t any better or any less than what any other mother does to live her life. 

We are moms, and mom shaming is a challenge all the way up to Grandmother level. It’s funny because from cesarean or natural, breastfed or bottle, private-public or homeschool, cellphone or no cellphone, sleepovers or none, boyfriends/girlfriends or not, parties or not, university – technical college –gap year or straight to work, married or single, grandchildren or none – It never ends guys and it’s not on. Stop it! 

From now on I’m going to address mine always, as we meander on this journey of motherhood. Here’s to being the best moms we can all be – right? I just hope that I’m being the best mom to my kids.

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Author:

I'm a woman finding my way through life as the wife of Tim, the mother to 3 growing kids and trying to maintain some sort of self through it all.

11 thoughts on “Mom Shaming – Working Mom vs Homeschool Mom. STOP IT!!

  1. It’s always sad when women do this to each other. Belittle the other so you can feel better about yourself. I’m glad you didn’t sink to her level and insult her too. You know your value- that’s all that matters.
    Sometimes people judge me because I do both. Homeschool and work part time. They try to instal negative feelings of guilt. Rise above it Shaveh.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, rise above it I shall. But I will still gently bring it to people’s attention about what they’re doing by saying what they’re saying. Props to you for doing both-You’re a machine! Wow!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m glad you do. It’s like racism, white privilege, abuse and so on…if we don’t speak out against it we silently perpetuate the myth that it’s ok.
        Thank you for making your voice heard. 🙌🏼

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I used to feel this way about the fact that I was a mother via adoption, because many women’s comments made me feel like I was less than a mother. Honestly, so much I see around me about being a mother in modern society lets me know that on some levels I’m not seen as a real mom.
    Not the same circumstance as yours, but you get what I’m saying, I get it.
    What I’ve learned though…. is to just let it go. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yup, it’s insane that it’s like this. I agree to let it go-but there’s times when a little gentle education is needed to be aware of other people’s feelings and situations. Not always, like this time – but there will be a moment when it probably will be needed to speak up. Thanks for being apart of the conversation ☺️

      Like

  3. When people are uninformed they make such stupid comments like that lady did- she was just rude! Remember this, you as a blogger and a homeschool mom continuously do research on how to better your job as that. Plus every child is different, different ways of learning too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, but even if I didn’t have kids, running a household is a job in it’s self as well and no better than a domestic worker or a CEO – the only difference is the salary and that isn’t even worth comparing.
      Thanks for your kind words. 😘

      Like

  4. Hi Shaveh. Lovely post. Thanx for sharing.

    Women can be so cruel & your 2nd last paragraph sums it up so well. I think that shaming is a result of us all secretly doubting ourselves & our choices (for me: “Am I doing myself in by not working full time?”; for working moms: “Are my kids getting enough love, stimulation or attention because I work?”). Personally, I am convinced that my choices to date have been beneficial for my family, but on a bad day I always tend to doubt myself.

    Anyway, no matter what we choose: motherhood & the juggling act remains hard & we as women should support, love & encourage each other. Because untimately I believe that 99% of women try their very best for their families. Yolandi xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We need to be more encouraging of each other-you’re so right. It’s about our own little nest and making sure it’s healthy for us. We should rather encourage each other to be better at what we’ve chosen to do.
      Here’s to walking together.
      💜💜

      Like

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