You know that we went away last week and as much as I’d love to tell you that we had all the time in the world to lie in each others arms and watch our children play pleasantly together – this is not reality as a normal parent, never mind having a husband that is working for himself. Now, before I get into the nitty gritty of this post – let’s be clear on one thing, I am not complaining but rather stating facts. I absolutely love our lives and our marriage is healthy and growing – not perfect, but growing.
Now, as you’ve read in my blog description – our little troop consists of Timothy (my husband) who is a self employed entrepreneur that does ministry alongside his work. There’s me – Shaveh (shar-vay) a freelancing Graphic Designer that homeschools our little tribe consisting of Aislyn (9), Iraina (7), and Jude (2) (these are their current ages). So when we go on holiday – we’re not like the average little family that casts their everyday responsibilities aside and hits the road with just their camera’s, clothes and a holiday budget. When we hit the road, we take our life with us but just in a more relaxed environment with no schedules.
‘Take your life with you?’ I hear you ask – yes, our girls will pack the basics of their school work with them, I will take my laptop with me and Tim takes his laptop with him. Now understand that we chill out as much as possible and have our holiday, but Tim still checks his emails and does his quotations and client communications because it’s just him and if he didn’t – mamma and da babies aint gonna eat, if ya know what I mean. This is the weight the breadwinner carries and Tim has been built so well and has the shoulders that carry our family on them.
But get this, as a family we sit and pray together and ask God to provide work for him and to show him how to run his business – there is nothing sweeter than having your 7 year old pray the most innocent of prayers to help her dad at work and then at the dinner table hear about incredible events that happened to him that day.
So as much as it sounds like the most distracted way to have a holiday, I’ve come to learn that the main thing is that we are together not only in body but also in our hearts and minds as a whole family. So as much as an outsider might see that Tim isn’t fully engaging with his kids ‘all’ the time, or being the doting husband and having romantic cuddles on a bench next to a lake somewhere – what the outsider doesn’t see is that we have engaged as a family on a deeper level that you just can’t put into the typical box of family holidays.
Be careful now, don’t think that the kids and I are these little ‘stepford’ characters that happily skip through our day, smiling and completely understanding Tim’s need to work. No Sir-ee, I – as the wife – have my moments of frustration and gritting of teeth. The kids do nag and ask, “why isn’t Daddy playing with us now?! When is he going to be done!” and all too famous line, “He Neeeeeeeever does……… with us”.
But there is no perfect fit and when we can, we do what’s right and good for all of us as best as we know how. I’d be keen to know if you’ve got a friend, partner or spouse that is like this, how you cope with it then we can learn from each other. Chat to me in the comments below.