Ugh. That’s how I felt last night as I got ready for my week. I get irritated with how life changes every week and also day to day. It’s never the same. I honestly would love to have everyday be amazing and inspiring and full of awesome memories and invigorating challenges. But, nooooooooo, there are those days when it’s hard to mentally lift yourself and encourage yourself to press on and change the “mood” or “atmosphere”.
I don’t know why, but these up coming days/weeks are going to be intense and full of people, activities, situations I absolutely love-but I think my sub conscience it taking a completely negative spin on it all and preparing me for the worst. You know, when you make all the necessary schedule adjustments, budget shifts and so on, but because experience has left you bleeding before-that wound just pops up and reminds you of the “hard parts”.
It’s the pessimist versus the optimist – everytime! And what is profound is that the negative experience was 1 out of like, 15. Yes, exactly – it’s so sad that just one experience of hurt or bad judgement can shift your mindset towards a very exciting or amazing experience or plan.
I’m not going to elaborate on any of my plans because I know that if you’re reading this, you’ll identify with me in at least 1 area of your life.
I’ve had this in so many areas – friendships, work situations, church and ministry peeps, my children’s lives, holiday trips, marriage, dating etc. the list could go on, but it always just takes 1 hurt, 1 hard smack across the heart that you weren’t ready for that completely eliminates the optimist and naive, child like approach to the situation.
Yes I can call it life, and yes it happens but man oh man does it hurt and leave a scar that shouts at me, “pick me pick me” (in the sense of, scratch at me and watch me bleed again and remember how bitterness, anger and resentment feel.)
And yet, there’s such an easy solution. The simplest really. But being as human as I am, letting go is such a reverse reflex (I don’t even know if that’s a thing, but that’s what it feels like) I should naturally want to give my problems or issues over, but instead it’s “nicer” to hang on to them, to caress them and cuddle with them while crying tears laced with angst and stubbornness.
So, what am I supposed to do? Yip, you thought it (if you know Jesus) I should give it over to Him, right? All of “my plans”, “my hurts”, “my short comings”. It’s as easy as laying it all out on a peice of paper or however I feel like planning or prepping and saying, “this isn’t my problem, it’s yours. Take it and do with it as you see fit”
And it’s right then and there that letting go becomes the decision, the reflex I have to practice. Because, hey-this everyday walk isn’t rose petals and milk baths- it’s guns and thorns sometimes. But instead of running, twisting myself up I just need to lay still, let go and let Him do what He does best. And that’s take care of me and my everyday needs.