Being “the wife” has so many perspectives that it’ll probably take a book to give an account of every kind and the reason would be – because every marriage is unique and every woman is approaching their relationship differently. With that said, I’m going to shed some light on an aspect of being “the wife” that you’ll either relate to, be indifferent to or think I’m completely insane to live like we do. “The wife” perspective in this post is the “ministry wife”. Now, there are so many roads with this title because there are so many scenarios that happen and that do happen either daily, or weekly with us as a unit.
Because it’s a Wednesday evening, and we’re in the middle of the week – I thought I’d share what a ‘normal’ weekly evening schedule is for our family. Monday – I get kids done and sorted for bed and hubby is off to a leaders meeting at 6:30pm. Tuesday – I get kids done and sorted for bed and hubby has a meeting in our lounge with leaders of some kind. Wednesday – I get kids done and sorted for bed – hubby helps – then jets off for a prayer meeting or is leading worship. Thursday – I get kids done and sorted for bed – hubby has helped me and is prepping for a course he’s running or attending over the weekend. Friday – We are complete and spend time together after the girls go to youth. Saturday – band social or some get together with ministry peeps. Sunday – church for all of us.
Now, understand one thing – I am not complaining, I’m just shedding light on a normal week is for us. If you had caught me about 6 years ago then you would have found me in the thick of complaining and losing my mind trying to be a stay at home mother and having no interaction with adults and waiting for my hubby to come home after his awesome sessions at like 10:30pm, so that I could nag about being tired and alone and all a dat stuff.
Now, almost 12 years into our marriage – I have made peace with our lifestyle. I made peace with it about 5 years ago. I know that my husband is a great father to our children and they have the luxury of seeing him whenever they want to because we’re homeschooling. I used to think that it’s tough doing the back breaking work on my own at home, day in and day out – but then I came to realise that, I’m not the only one breaking my back here. As much as Tim loves what he does and who he’s with – it’s also taxing on him and it isn’t always as easy as it looks to people from the outside.
I think when I came to realise that, I settled into the fact that if I could make our home a place of comfort, less complaining and more relaxing for my husband – that I would be fulfilling a much bigger calling than just wiping wet noses and changing nappies all day. That would also mean learning to communicate my needs and concerns in a way that don’t come across as a burden to him but more of a team mate request. Also, if there is anything going down on the home front – not to drop it on him when he’s about to fall asleep, but rather when he’s fully focused on us as a family in the morning and pumped to “change the world”.
These approaches don’t always work, but I have also learnt one major lesson and that is to take my problems to my source/coach rather than my team mate. God has a birds eye view of the life we’re living and also has the experience and shoulders to handle whatever “female” issues I have to spew. I’ve found that once I’ve had my vomit session with Him, he is able to sit me up right and brush me off and help me sift through what I need to share with Tim and what I need to leave with Him.
You know, the more I exercise this, the more I’m able to have patience to wait for Tim after a late meeting. The more I have grace for him and don’t jump to “those girly conclusions” (you know the ones from the soap opera’s) And, honestly I feel way better and I’m able to be “the wife” that Tim needs me to be. Now, before you think this is all too perfect, oh you’re right and that’s why I don’t always get it right – PMS, hunger and sleep deprivation are real folks and so I honestly don’t always have clear head about this approach.
But, like I like to believe – I’m continuously learning and I’d love to hear from your experiences even if your partner or spouse is in the ‘late working’ scenario. Please leave a comment below and let’s learn from each other.