Ok so the title is quite a big one to cover but I’m really in the mood to share a little bit of my experience and lessons learned over the years. Let’s get one thing straight-we as a couple we are no where near perfect (thank goodness for that or else why would we need Jesus, right?) and also we have a really long way to go. But, many husbands and wives out there can probably agree with me on the fact that once you say “I do” before God and witnesses, there’s a shift that happens – a click that happens in your soul that joins completely with another human being. It can not be formulated or put into a box and handed over – it’s a unique bond between only two individuals. Once this happens whether you like it or not – a part of you dies – there’s a part of you that has surrendered to the union of being one with that person.
Not many fully understand this and I’ve come to understand it as becoming selfless. You know before you’re married there’s always a way out and there’s always a way of saying, “thanks for the fun times, but this isn’t working-cheers”. But once you’re married, that becomes a lot harder – whether you feel like you’ve made the wrong decision or not. That’s why I’m all for good pre-marital counseling under someone solid and for as long as possible (we did it for a year) I realized just recently that that was one of the best decisions we made before we got married – because we were able to talk through all of our preconceived ideas and went into our marriage with our eyes wide open. When the mess hit, we dealt with it and we did it and still do it together.
Anyway, back to being selfless. To be honest I think that this was one of the hardest attitudes to adjust in my personal life. Being selfless means thinking of the other person first. Not about my needs and what I want. It’s about looking at everything from their point of view and responding the best way I know how or the way I would like to be treated. Yoh! Guys, it isn’t as easy as it reads or sounds. 1. He’s a boy, so he thinks completely differently to me – getting to understand that is a life long journey and I’m still on the ride. 2. Selfishness is a WONDERFUL feeling, especially in the world we’re living in today. What about MY needs, MY wants, MY dreams. And the answer is, “what about them? You signed up for this”
My ultimate calling and state of being is to walk in an attitude of being a servant. I’m submitted to a state of learning to be in tune to another persons well being. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a doormat that he walks all over and vomits on whenever he likes. I am blessed in that he has assumed the same attitude towards me. When this is a continuous attitude in a marriage, the little things fade away and the big things are tackled together as a team. There is also a freedom that comes between us that gives room for honesty and forgiveness that no secret is too big, and no weakness too embarrassing to share.
Whether they are shared or not, as his wife, I choose to trust. In trusting, I may be naive to the reality of the world we live in but I signed up for life. I have witnessed even the most amazing marriages blow up with secrets that would normally make people call it quits-but because of a selfless and servant attitude of one of the spouses – they work their way forward and continue to walk together without breaking something God orchestrated for life.
What have you learned from the relationships around you? Please chat to me in the section below and let’s learn from each other.