When I was about to become a wife, I went around seeking advice on how to become the most amazing, super awesome, fantastic hero of a woman to a man that was going to have me as his life time partner. As all young fiancé girlies do – right? so, I got all the usual tips about how to get to a mans heart through his stomach, serve the guy, respect him and ya ya ya ya – I got all of that. But there was one piece of advice that has stuck with me and will stay with me forever, that I actually applied and it worked.
A good friend of mine, sat across from me in her busy kitchen at the time – and I asked her for her tips and she said to me, that it’s important to let your hubby escape when he gets home…….. I was like – come again? she then explained why boys like to veg brain in front of the tele or a computer game. They need to deflate from the day and not have anything extra added to their box in that moment.
I asked her why? and what’s the use of being in a relationship if the guy is just going to escape whenever he comes home and not be with me and talk to me? right?!!? what am I chopped liver?
She then said, “Shavs, boys are simple – they have to unpack their head boxes and sort their muck out on their own – they don’t need us nagging them about their day. If you leave him to do this, he will eventually come to you and tell you exactly what you wanted to know without you nagging him about it. It may not be that very evening, it may not even be over breakfast the next day – but just wait and be patient and once they know it’s safe to tell you stuff and you’re not going to pile anything onto their already full plate – you’ll be surprised at how much you’ll suddenly be hearing about the details of meetings and what happened in conversations. All of which you will not get if you poke at his mind when he’s meant to be deflating”
Boy oh, boy was she right – now, obviously I asked this as a semi single woman and prior to being married – so I started to test the theory. When we’d see each other after work or (when we eventually got married) when we’d get home – I just went about my business and made small talk while he did something completely useless to my schedule or list of things to do. We made small talk about non important things, and I waited, and waited and then the next morning….. waited (because I knew that he had had a meeting with someone and I wanted to know how it went right and what his thoughts were)
And as sure as bob, I hit the mother load – He’d just spill his thoughts in random places about things that had happened days ago and what he thought about them and what I think and so on and so on and so on. I was like wow!!! what a theory and it’s amazing how it works.
So to this day, I don’t poke the bear of my husbands day, but nagging and asking for every intricate detail – it will arrive when it’s supposed to and I will always enjoy every morsel and get the luxury of giving my opinion because I didn’t pry it out of him like an clam shell.
So, after learning that with my hubby – I’m starting to see that I need to do that with my kids as well. But what’s funny is that they aren’t adults at all and they think completely differently to anyone else.
So on my way home from taking Iraina to swimming today – I notice her sitting pensively in the back seat and I think – wow there must be some heavy thoughts happening there since she isn’t singing along to the radio or asking questions about what’s coming up or any idea’s she may have. So I take a picture and decide to ask her what she’s thinking about to see if I was right about my judgement of what’s in her head. Here’s the scene……
So I ask her what she’s thinking about. She responds by saying, “nothing Mom” and I’m like, “nope, that can’t be true – you are sitting quietly looking out of the window and there’s something going on in your head, I want to know and understand what you think about my girl”
She then stretches and says, “Moooooom, you’re going to think I’m funny”
“Well, then make me laugh funny girl”
“ok, well – Mom I was thinking about Alvin and the Chipmunks and how they like to dress up and do silly things and be funny at school………”
Can I get a mic drop please? Like – What? you were thinking about what? She then proceeds to describe and explain a few scenes from the cartoon that she really enjoys and why she was thinking about them and that I should have a watch next time.
So, basically – from husband to child, what they have going on in their minds is nothing that I expect or should always pry from them, because when it’s important it’ll come my way and when it’s just fun then we can have a fun giggle about it and understand each other more.